How Motherhood Changed Me Thrice Over!

“Love in Your Heart Was Not Meant There to Stay,

Love is Not Love Until You Give it Away’!”

Moms will know what I am talking about. You do not know how much love you have inside of you, until those special people arrive in your life. And when they claim more than their share of love that you are anyways, more than willing to shower upon them, you realize you had it in you!

And then when you think you have SHOWERED ALL YOUR LOVE (that’s the term we all like to use, isn’t it?) on that precious bundle of joy that arrives, there comes another one and you suddenly find another reservoir of love within you that didn’t know existed. So each of these little ones arrive and unlock their share (or whole!) of love within you. And each one has a different effect on you.

I was once reading an article about how motherhood changes you. Someone actually made a list of 42 things! I went through the list and then not completely agreeing with it, browsed the comments on the article to see what the others had to say. And I was pleasantly surprised to find many moms agreeing that they could not relate to all of it – at least not after their first baby. My first baby brought a lot of changes to my life, but I would be lying if I said I experienced all those ’42 or more things’ after becoming a first-time mom. No – each child had a lot to teach me and alter me in ways I had not imagined.

I have grown along with my children – grown as a mother and as a human being. Today, I am joining a chain of mom bloggers from across the world to share with you how Motherhood has changed me.

This blog chain is the brainchild of my dear friend Pooja Kawatra who is a fighter, survivor and a fabulous mom. She blogs at Mums and Babies and you will love how she enriches her life by making the best of her family time. If you reached here following the blog chain, you must already have met Vasantha Vivek. A passionate blogger, Vasantha has some gems to share on her blog My Sweet Nothings. I loved her take on this topic where she artistically recreates each of the Navarasas in her life as a mother.

And here is my own take on how motherhood has affected my life.

How Motherhood Changed Me

Motherhood, or even marriage, came very naturally to me. There were no surprises or reluctance involved. I had been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and had known him from even before. By the 6th month after our marriage, we mutually decided we were ready to have our first baby. We are both high on the Mommy and Daddy quotient it seems lol! Also, we were both “webpreneurs” who worked online and had flexible work hours that enabled us to commit to a baby. So, at the young age of 25, I had my first baby, for whom I was completely ready emotionally.

My First Baby Helped Me Grow Up!

But little did I know that ‘liking babies’ in general is very different from motherhood. Even after a rollercoaster of emotions, love and a lot of sleepless nights, we both agreed that she was the best thing to have happened to us. Our hearts were full and we were overcome with intense feelings of tenderness every time we looked at her. She brought into my life everything a first baby can bring – joy, selfless love, fun, warmth – a sense of completeness. I began to bore my friends with endless details of her teething, her babbling and even her poop!

As she started growing up, we realized we were her role models. Daddy is already a role model with his supportive, responsible and nurturing behaviour towards everyone, especially me. My daughter was already seeing a Dad unlike others. Her daddy did everything from changing diapers to cooking – even better than her mom. But I had been the youngest baby of my family. And the indulgent girlfriend of a very caring boyfriend. Suddenly, the stakes were raised! This little girl was looking up to me for everything. It was time to up my own game now! I realized how much more my husband did for me than I did for him. In little ways, I started to become more thoughtful towards the needs of others around me and set the perfect example for my daughter. And kindness actually gives back! I started feeling even more loved 🙂

My Second Baby Increased My Respect for My Mom

A few weeks after I had my 2nd baby, I stopped saying that ‘I have experience with babies’. I learned that giving birth to a baby does not give you the experience to manage any baby. Each child is different – and you actually have even more love inside you to give away!

With my boy came a whole new set of challenges – managing two kids, family troubles, financial issues and tons of other stressful events all happening at the same time. Had it not been for our kids, my husband and I would probably have ended up with severe depression. But one look at our babies used to tell us that the most important things in life are going fine. It is only the secondary issues that need our attention. We are BLESSED and we are forgetting to count our blessings!

During this phase came the strong and unfaltering support of my mom. From parenting struggles to every other kind of emotional and physical support, I opened my eyes to the fact that I simply cannot do without her. Flying high after my marriage, my professional success and my first baby, I had forgotten how important my mom was. Once my ‘new mom’ concerns were answered after my first baby, I stopped giving as much importance to her advice because parenting seemed like a cakewalk after that.

But now, my ‘I know it all’ about parenting and other stuff was immediately humbled down and I reached out to her for advice and support. And she was only too happy to come to my rescue – whether it was a late night question on non-pooping, venting out my troubles or babysitting my kids while I coped with the pressing issues on hand. Her experience with her 4 kids as a single mother rivals every parenting book. God forgive me for that short period of time when I undermined my mom’s importance!

And as much as I thought I was a ‘girl’ person, my boy taught me the real meaning of “Unconditional Love”. I had no idea that another human being can love you SO much! No amount of scolding or punishing would ever make him love me any less. For the toddler years, I was his entire world! Slowly, but very firmly, this little man made his way into my heart like no one else had.

My Third Baby Encouraged Me to Cut Out Negativity

I was about to write this heading as ‘My third baby taught me to give zero f**** about things that don’t matter’, but I thought the better of it lol! But it is true! After having my third baby and doing things my way during my 3rd pregnancy, I was on a high! I was comfortable in my own skin (not weight, mind you!) and sure of my place in this world. Realization dawned upon me that I had wasted too much time in living life according to or trying to please others. Now, all I wanted to do was relax and enjoy my life with my beautiful family. The first step towards this was cutting out negativity from my life.

I was surrounded by people whom I loved and who loved me. So, I took some firm steps and cleared out a whole bunch of negative people from my life – at least mentally. That gave me a whole of lot of time (and space in my mind) to focus on what is important. And with all my experience in life so far, I realized that I was the most important thing in my life. Without me, my family, my children – nobody would be happy. So I started spending time on things that made me happy – traveling with my family, spending more time with them in little ways, started paying attention to my own wellness. I was even inspired to launch this personal blog. Before this blog, I only wrote or edited professionally on my other blogs. But this little place on the web is all about me and my fabulous mom life now!

With the birth of my third baby, a new and improved Lata was also born LOL!

Changes That Shaped My Personality

And that is how step-by-step, each of my children individually and together shaped up who I am today. The most important lesson they taught me is to value my blessings. Blessed is the person who finds love. I found it several times over and it has turned me into a very emotionally balanced person. I am able to deal with the ups and downs of life in a much more calm manner, knowing I always have a loving family to fall back upon. The crowd at the dinner table and the endless chatter forces away negative thoughts from my mind. Motherhood has given me a fresh and healthy outlook on life and made me a strong and confident woman. I realize I have just one life and have learned to focus. I don’t judge other people now and feel compassion towards the less fortunate. The immature girl in me who resorted to passing judgements on stuff she had no clue about, has long since matured into a tolerant and really chilled out person, if I may say so myself.

Well, the post became a little lengthy but let me assure you I only wrote in the most concise way possible LOL! And I now I give way to another fabulous mom – Meiling Wong! A mom blogger who writes about best practices as an Asian parent and raising her kids to be decent human beings, Meiling does not like to be conventional.

She married her Indian husband before it became a norm and reinvented her own work-life balance to be physically and emotionally available for her children before flexi-work became a buzz word. She is drawn to kind and funny people and loves to binge on Netflix. Check out her blog Universal Scribbles to read her take on how Motherhood changed her.