When should you consider moving on from a marriage as a mother?

As a mother, it makes sense that you want to keep the family together. The family unit is a massive part of making sure that our children can have the best possible quality of life moving forward in the future. However, at the same time, not every marriage is made for success. You may have had children together – but is it wise to stay in an unhappy, even unhealthy, relationship ‘for the kids’, or could you be doing more harm than good?

It is hard to tell when a marriage has reached its end unless there are clear signs of problematic behaviour. However, for many marriages, the endgame comes simply by the realisation that you are not right for each other. There does not have to be abuse, mistrust, or a ‘red line’ issue that forces you to leave with your children. No, in some cases the most important reason for a marriage ending is the least harmful: you are simply not right for one another.

As understandable as it might be, staying with the father for the benefit of the children can cause more pain than positives. Why? Because children can tell when something is off. If you and your partner have no chemistry, there will be a perpetual air of awkwardness in the household.

Children thrive in positive and exciting atmospheres, and if you both lack that flair for one another it can be hard to synthesise that atmosphere. As such, it is easy for children to sense the uncertain and uncomfortable atmosphere. This rubs off on them; worse, they can self-blame and see themselves as the cause of the lack of harmony.

Is divorce the only answer to an unhappy marriage?

For many, the ‘secret’ to solving an unhappy marital situation is to speak out. To tell the other party that you are unhappy, that you are not satisfied with how things are going. With that in mind, simply being honest can open a well of positivity that was previously closed over. Sometimes, that spark of truth can be enough to help you both work through the challenges that exist.

However, sometimes, even simply being honest with one another is not enough. There might be no spark in the marriage, or you simply might find that the children are the only positive that you share together.

Again, you do not have to wait to speak to a divorce lawyer like this – you can act on a divorce if you feel unhappy in general. If you feel like you are not going to be able to get beyond the point where you are both at in this moment in time, you should consider the honest act of moving on from one another.

Your children will benefit from the honesty, and an early divorce can actually stop the relationship from falling off a cliff. You might be able to salvage a cordial, friendly relationship that will make it much easier for the children in the years to come. Hanging on too long, trying to salvage something that is already broken, though, could be a mistake that you regret for years to come.

Consider all your options, but do not see divorce as the ‘nuclear’ option – sometimes, holding on to something that is clearly not there is a bigger mistake.